Getting Out of Your Own Way: My Continued Journey to Improve Myself in My Role as a Wife and Mother

(Kyle and Lizzy)

*Note: Contents of this article are Property of Sabrina Ferguson. Copyright 2015

First of all, let me say that I am sorry to all of my readers for not posting articles in the last few weeks. My mother came into town earlier this month from Ireland. She had a conference that she needed to attend for work. She found some time to come and spend mother's day with me. We took a road trip down to Oregon to see my grandmother with my daughter Lizzy as well. Four generations together in the same room. It was so amazing to see. Road trips are one of my favorite childhood past times but as I became older it was something for my mother and I to do.

Road trips have always been a good way for my mother and I to bond. Growing up, she was hardly around because of work so she and I take road trips. It is the only time when she is work lite and can really talk. My mother wanted me to fill her in on things at home and how I was doing. Amidst all the talking, laughing, joking and taking care of Lizzy we had a good talk. My mother pointed out things that I was doing really well then pointed out things that I should work on. The talk resulted with me promising my mother 5 things. 1)  Go to church every Sunday without fail. Check. 2) Go to mommy and me classes (no pun intended) religiously. Check. 3.) Go to the gym at least once a week. 4) Get around horses again by volunteering at Little Bit. 5) Make an effort to do something special with my baby and my husband and to improve relationships with other people. Let me fill you in on my progress so far with each step.

First, I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To others we are known as the Mormons. For the last seven years I have been going to church on and off to where I was only going a few times a year. I told my mother about how I have been feeling about wanting to return to church and how I would like Lizzy to go as well. I also told her that Kyle is interested in learning about the church but has had delays. She encouraged me that it will, not only be good for Lizzy and I to go, but it is also a good way for me to show Kyle how much church means to me through my actions as well as my words. He has definitely noticed a difference in my attitude and how happy I am. Next my progress with mommy and me classes.

The mommy and me class that Lizzy and I were going to before were discontinued because attendance was too low. Thinking about what my next move was I recalled my neighbor telling me that the community center in North Bend offers swimming classes. I figured since my daughter loves her baths I thought swim classes would be a great thing to try for her. She absolutely loves the water and is learning quickly. I have never seen her smile as big as she does when she is in the water. The cost of $65 dollars for 8 classes twice a week were totally worth every penny. I even enjoy swimming so it is a win-win situation and yet another thing for her and I to do together. Third, my progress with the gym and how I made my decision.

After comparing prices with 24 Hour Fitness in Issaquah WA (where my husband works out) and Mount Si Sports and Fitness, I chose the second. The determining factors that went into my decision were fuel, Lizzy being able to stand an hour round trip in the car after an hour and a half to two hours in town, cost effective with the amenities offered in the gym packages and convenience. Mount Si Sports and Fitness fit all my criteria. It is a fifteen minute drive from the house, classes and child care are included in the package at no extra price, a free training session with a personal trainer with them keeping tabs on my progress at the gym for free, and my neighbor teaches a yoga class there. Totally worth every penny monthly. Now, as for my attendance at the gym that has been a little rocky. It has been three weeks since my mother has left and I have been to the gym three times. Twice this week and once two weeks ago. The reason for the break between visits to the gym was because I injured myself. I pushed my body a little too hard out of excitement of working out in a real gym rather than at home. I tore a muscle in my rib cage which caused the cartilage to become inflamed between the rib bones. My doctor told me to take it easy for a week then return to the gym the next week and start small. She also said to refrain from a lot of lifting really heavy weights and twisting. I need at least four weeks to let my muscles and cartilage return to full strength. Needless to say my husband and my personal trainer were not happy with me. Fourth, my history of being around horses and how I ended up at Little Bit.

I have been around horses since I was eight years old. My grandmother Patti, may she rest in peace, taught me everything I know. From the manual labor of cleaning them and mucking out their stalls to properly putting on all the equipment that is required to ride them. When I was around horses I was at my most calm and all my troubles outside of the riding arena melted away. Horses relaxed me when I have a bad day or just need to recharge. Working on the ranch never felt like work because of how much I loved what I did. I worked on a ranch with her every summer until 2002 in Palm Springs, California. When she died I dropped my love for horses completely but always in the pit of my stomach was the longing to be on a horse. My mother, being the observant woman that she is, she enrolled me to volunteer at Little Bit in Redmond WA for a senior project in high school.

Little Bit is a therapeutic riding center for handicapped children to ride horses. I loved every moment of it. After a few hours a day I felt amazing, like I had accomplished something. The way that the children interacted with the horses and how naturally it came to them. I could see, in their eyes, just for a little while they were happy while receiving a short reprieve from their daily ailments. Lastly, the progress with my family and my relationships to those important to me.

That one is really self explanatory. As I did the first four assignment the fifth assignment automatically started fixing itself. My mother gave me these assignments to get a point across to me. By my mother telling me to do something I figure out the hidden lesson underneath. It wasn't until one night I was sitting with my daughter in her nursery, reading her a book. As I read to her I noticed I had not done that with her for a while. I noticed what my mother was trying to tell me in the car. The method behind my mother's madness has always been insightful and helpful.

Among the lessons that I learned one statement came to mind as I reviewed my progress. It was the foundation of what my mother was trying to tell me and the biggest elephant in my face. The statement is: Getting out of my own way. I realized that my priorities were a little out of proportion and my relationships and family were suffering from it. I was focusing on other things (i.e. my blog and what new recipe I was going to try to cook for my husband) other than what was really important. Which is my family. My husband and daughter have handled my skewed priorities well. I Skyped my mother and told her that I am a bad mother and wife. My mother just laughed and said "Honey. To err is human. But I am proud of you for noticing what you need to fix. We all need a little help sometimes and all you need to do is ask for it." I would say since having my daughter it has helped improve my relationship with my mother. In my wildest dreams I never would have thought that my mother and I would become such good friends. Just to let my readers know that you are still on my priority list but not at the top anymore.

 I have been doing some re-prioritizing of the things that are most important to me. Getting out of my own way has not been an easy feat but it has been worthwhile. Seeing smiles on my daughters' and husbands' face tells me that I am moving in the right direction. My husband and my family have definitely seen a difference in my attitude. Through this rediscovery I can say this: Once you think you have life pinned and figured out it often throws your curve balls. I have found the more you practice eventually you'll find a way to hit the ball back at life and get back in the game. What's life without a little failure and humility? Life would be dull without it to tell you the truth. Remembering a book I had in my collection had the same title as the lesson I was learning.

I revisited a book I read a few years ago called "How to Get Out of Your Own Way" by Tyrese Gibson. After reading his book it has definitely made me thankful for what I have. Reading through my highlighted quotes and notes to myself I noticed that the quotes struck a cord with me than the first time through. I think it is so funny how things change with situations in your life. If I could pass down one piece of good advice that I have learned it would be this: To all of those struggling first time mothers, you may want to scream from the monotony of every day life, feel like you're alone or even want time to yourself for just a few moments. Let me tell you it is very normal to feel that way. It may be hard at times but I found that taking a few minutes to myself a day and having a good support system I noticed the burdens of motherhood are more bearable. If any of you have any questions or just need someone to talk to I will be more than happy to answer emails and take time out of my day to help and talk. Thank you to all those who emailed me inquiring about my blog and its progress. It means a lot knowing that people enjoy my articles. The articles will continue. Expect a new article not later than two days from now.

My email is ferguson.sabrina15@gmail.com.


*Note: Contents of this article are Property of Sabrina Ferguson. Copyright 2015